🌷 Finding My Feet in the Springtime

This winter, I was trapped on a snakes and ladders board. Slowly climbing up from the bottom—A&E with migraines, depression so deep I fantasized about ending the pain. The fabric of my world frayed by illness. For four years, since Covid rewired me, I’ve done double-takes in the mirror: “Who is this gaunt stranger?” Baggy eyes, ghostly skin, pain etched into my face.

But I kept playing the game. A few strong days here—good therapy, a productive work session. Then the snakes: back to bed, audiobooks, ice packs, raisins like droppings in my duvet. Antidepressants brought stability. Therapy taught me kindness. Tara Brach’s mindfulness helped me spot flecks of gold in the rubble. Even when life felt like a dice roll, I clung to practice.

Now, spring. My mojo creeps back. I count flowers as they bloom, whispering their Greek myth origins to anyone who’ll listen. I bask in sunlight, buried in N.K. Jemisin’s worlds—fantasy with the depth of ancient epics. The heat worries me (1.6°C, drought, the UK’s hottest May). But after this winter, I won’t let climate grief steal the joy of sun on my skin. Self-care means holding contradictions: The world burns, genocides grind on like Orwell’s 1984, yet we still we dance. These days, I’ve found hugs. Community. Good food. A Dutch windmill, friends laughing, cooking together. It’s enough.

I share this because my darkest moments live in muscle memory, not photos. A void in the archive. If you’re in that place now—or have been—remember: there’s gold in your heart, pleasure in a pathless wood and ecstasy in community. Name your emotions. Make time for them. Find your people.

These last days—camping in German forests, painting my new room, supporting community kitchens and student encampments—have been golden. This is gratitude to those who’ve walked with me, and an invitation: Join the 21st-century love revolution.

The richness is here.
— Robin 🌱

I'm hosting an online Convention on May 31st on Revolution in The 21st Century. Come along and let's build the community!

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